Category: Dave

5 Police Myths Found in Movies

10/16/2013

by Dave

I've had plenty of people ask me what I think of movies and TV shows centered around law enforcement. Do I like them? Do they piss me off? Do they make me laugh even though they aren't supposed to be comedies? The answer? Yes, to all of them. I love a good police procedural. I love a good film centered around a police officer. I also get mad, or laugh, at shows that really don't know what they're talking about when it comes to law enforcement work. I can tell in about five seconds if the writers or directors have actual experience or are putting forth what they have seen in other movies (correct or not). So, being the humble (wife just snickered) and helpful person I am, let me help sort some fact from fiction in order to make your fictional story more factual. Here are five myths (misconceptions really) I see time and time again.

Your Badge is Your Source of Authority: Every officer is issued two items when it comes to signs of your authority, their badge and their credentials. The badge is the symbol of power, the credentials are the true source of authority. In fact, my badge actually had, "Not Valid Unless Accompanied by Proper Credentials" engraved on the back of it. It is the credentials that spell out an officer's, or agent's, authority. So instead of, "Show me your badge." A character should say, "Show me your credentials."
Bad Asses Wear Shoulder Holsters or Cross Draw Holster: Actually, only dumbasses wear those types of holsters. Sorry if you like them, but the truth hurts. The reasons are tactical. A normal holster puts your gun next to your hand's natural rest position and the draw coincides with your natural motion of pulling your hands up your sides and punching the gun out towards your target. It can be done in abut 1/2 of a second. The other two holsters require to reach across your body, then back in a sweeping gesture that takes about a second longer. When you are dealing with projectiles that fly 800-1200 feet per second, that counts. The position of the holster also means that the barrel of the gun is facing backwards, not down. That means at a point when you are rushed and trying to get a good grip on your weapon and trigger, the gun is pointed at whoever is behind you and not at the ground. Yikes! But finally, those holsters place the handle of the gun away from you and towards anybody you are squared up on. Why make it easier for your enemy to draw your weapon, and already have it pointed at you, than it is for you? Remember, 1/2 second for them, and they have the jump, 1 1/2 for you.
We Have all the Laws Memorized: Umm... no. We know the general intent of the laws and what a violation looks like, but we have to look it up before making the final decision. Why? There's too darn many of them. For me, in Customs and Border Protection, we derived our power from Title 19 of the US Criminal Code. Take a look at it, there will be a test at the end. We also enforced titles of the Criminal Code for Immigration, ATF, Secret Service, Consumer Trade Commission, Agriculture, Child Protective Services, NOAA, DEA, Fish and Wildlife and the Harmonized Tariff of the United States (all of the rates of Duty for EVERY product known to man). The Harmonized Tariff is 14 inches thick, single spaced, on its own. So, no, we don't have it all memorized.
Bullets Knock You Backwards: No, just no. A bullet's weight is measured in grams. A human's weight is measured in the hundreds of pounds. It's simple physics.
Flying Armed is Awesome: Flying armed sucks. No two ways about it. Setting aside the massive amount of paperwork you have to go through with TSA (don't get me started on them), think about how narrow airplane seats are nowadays. Now think about having a gun, badge, extra magazines (those would be the things people think are called clips) and handcuffs around your waist. When I would fly armed I would ask the travel coordinator to make sure I was on the aisle on the left side of the plane or the window on the right. That way my gun would not be digging into the person on my right. Last thing I need is for them to ask, "Is that a gun there, or are you happy to see me?" There really is no answer to that question that is not awkward. You also cannot drink alcohol or sleep when flying armed. Makes sense, and I don't mind the alcohol part, but try flying across the country, on a 7am flight, and see how well you stay awake. BORING!. I was in training in New York once. Being the government, I was routed home from New York to Seattle via LA. Awesome. Even more awesome is that I was sick the night before and woke up about every hour. So here I was, trying to hold my eyes open for 6 1/2 hours waiting for the misery to end. My only salvation to stay awake was when they announced the in-flight movie... "Eat, Pray, Love". Damn! That's the opposite of what I need to stay awake.

As an added bonus, I can also say that traveling with your weapon, without armed authorization, also sucks. On another trip back from New York, our Port Director did not give us authorization (she didn't like guns, go figure). I had to declare my weapon in my suitcase to the ticketing representative. First thing she said? Why aren't you wearing it? Then, "I have to see it". So I got my travel case out of my suitcase, opened it and showed her. She said, "All right, but my manager has to see it to clear it." So over came the manager. He said two things, "Why aren't you wearing it?" and, "I have to see it". So out it came again. His response, "All right, but the Port Police have to be the ones to clear it." So I waited for them to respond. Any guesses what they said? "Why aren't you wearing it?" and "I have to see it." Out it comes again. "All right, but TSA has to clear it". Mind you, I have been thirty feet from TSA the whole time. Why I couldn't have gone there first, no one knows. So I go to TSA, "Why aren't you wearing it?" and, "I have to see it." (insert primordial scream here). TSA then proceeded to take out their bomb swiping materials to test my weapon for explosive residue. Really? You think that the tool whose soul purpose in life is to fire projectiles through the explosive force of gunpowder might have residue on it? Turns out, according to TSA, it doesn't.

Be afraid.

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Four Phrases That Need to Disappear From Police Movies

10/8/2013

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by Dave

When Dustin and I were guests of Pilar Alessandra’s “On the Page” podcast, (episode 313 – It’s a Crime), I mentioned there was a line in movies (I didn't sign up for this) that gets on my nerves like the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. But I want to be fair to that line and say that it is not the only one. Here is a short list of lines that need to disappear from Law Enforcement and Military movies.

I Didn't Sign Up For This: I don’t like this line for one very important reason (besides it being cliché). It is used as a foil to make the hero look that much more heroic. It’s saying “Look at all the incompetent, scared soldiers and police officers. Thank goodness the hero is here to save everyone”. Here’s the bottom line, this is exactly what you signed up for. When I applied for Federal Law Enforcement I signed a whole bunch of legal paperwork saying I understood it was an armed position and I may have to use that gun to take someone’s life. I signed insurance paperwork in the case that I was killed in the line of duty. I spent several months in Georgia, at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center, having it pounded into me exactly what I had signed up for. Seriously, when you have an instructor calling out a jogging cadence of, “Two to the chest, one to the head, I shot that terrorist really dead”, it’s pretty clear what you signed up for. (Note: That was an extreme example from a rather crazy instructor. But still…) Then, after getting your butt kicked in defensive training on a quarterly basis, in the off chance something happened, you can bet I was going to get my money’s worth if it ever did happen. So yes, we know what we signed up for.
We’re With Homeland Security: Customs and Border Protection (CBP) is a part of DHS. Never once in my career did I refer to myself as being with Homeland Security. I was always, “Officer Merlino with Customs and Border Protection”. Homeland Security is an umbrella department that houses number of different agencies that have a number of different missions. There is CBP, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), the Secret Service, The Coast Guard, Citizenship and Immigration Services, FEMA, TSA, and the National Protection and Programs Directorate. Saying "I am with DHS" tells me absolutely nothing about what you do. Hell, I was in DHS and I don’t even know what the National Protection and Programs Directorate does, and I sure didn't like being confused with TSA. So please stop saying DHS and actually pick an agency that might cover what your characters are supposed to be doing.
He was Special Forces: This is an especially lazy line, and once you start listening for it, you will hear it almost everywhere. Our military consultant, Thomas Sager, covered this about a year ago in much greater detail than I can, but here is the nuts and bolts. Special Forces (actually Joint Special Operations Command, JSOC) is much like DHS in that it is an umbrella term. There are units from all branches of the military that contribute to JSOC. Some of the more famous are the 75th Ranger Regiment, Delta Force, Green Berets and Navy SEALS. All of these units do different things and have different skill sets. This line is lazy because it seems to give filmmakers license to make their characters superheroes, “He’s a Kung Fu Master, sniper, explosives expert and can fly a helicopter? That’s probably because he was Special Forces.” No, it’s not. Yes, Ranger Units have snipers but not every Ranger is a sniper. Yes, Ranger Units have explosives experts, not every Ranger is trained in explosives. Do you know what none of them do? Fly helicopters. I understand that giving your character a background like this automatically makes them tough. Just assign them to one of those units. Say he was a Ranger, or a SEAL, or Delta. Just don’t give him a black belt and a pilot’s license at the same time while he throws homemade pipe bombs from his sniper nest.
If I Don't Make it, Give this to my Wife: Direct from the mouth of Mr. Sager, a multi-tour combat veteran Ranger, "I have never seen a soldier pass on a letter for his wife". (He's a man of few words).

In conclusion, I know there is a good reason behind these lines, most are to set up characters, but they are just incredibly lazy, skin deep lines. A writer is well served to take it a step further and it brings that much more depth to your characters. It doesn't take any more time to say "He was Special Forces" than it does to say, "He was with the 75th Ranger Regiment", but knowing he was a Ranger instantly tells me a lot more about your character than a vague Special Forces reference.

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Theater of the Absurd

10/2/2013

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by Dave

A couple of months ago I posted an article about how writers can take inspiration from how real life really can be stranger than fiction. Well, I'm going to use the shutdown as an excuse to tell another stranger than fiction story. I would call it a "shot" at the government but I don't think it really is since it is an absolutely true story. First, let's set the scene.

Two years ago we were within a few hours of facing a different government shutdown. I was a Customs and Border Protection Supervisor working the closing shift at the airport on September 30th. If there was no Congressional deal in place, we were going to a skeleton crew in just a few hours. We had identified our essential staff vs. the non-essentials and prepped our employees for the fun and exciting idea of working for free in a job where their paycheck was one of the few redeeming qualities. We were now in sit and wait mode, or so I thought. That was when my Chief came up to me and told me I needed to prepare the office for a shutdown. The conversation went like this:

Chief: Merlino, you need to prepare a schedule to rotate officers through the office if the shutdown goes into effect.
Me: Why?
Chief: Because the office workers are non-essential so we will need to have officers in there.
Me: But if they're non-essential, why do we need to replace them?
Chief: Because someone needs to answer the phones.
Me: Then why is their job non-essential?
Chief: Because they aren't needed to be in the office.
Me: So I guess we don't need people to answer the phones.
Chief: Goddamnit! Stop arguing with me.
Me: I'm not. I'm just wondering why we need to send the non-essential employees home and then replace them with essential employees, who are twice as expensive, in order to do their non-essential job that we can't do without.

That's when my Chief, who I actually respected and got along with quite well, gave me "the look" that said I had pushed my luck far enough so I started to make the schedule. Luckily that shutdown was averted and I didn't need to replace the non-essential employees we couldn't do without. Sure it's funny now, but at the time I wanted to say "FML", throw all my papers in the air and just go home.

How does this help us as writers? It shows that just because we think an idea is too absurd to actually happen, it doesn't mean we're right. Life is a theater of the absurd. Go out, experience, write it down, let it inspire your scripts and then chuckle to yourself when people tell you that it's too unbelievable.

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4 Hollywood Myths About the "Bullet Proof" Vest

9/17/2013

3 Comments

by Dave

After spending nearly a decade in Law Enforcement, I can tell you one thing with certainty. I hated my ballistic vest, AKA "The Bullet Proof Vest". They're heavy, they're bulky and almost impossible to wear comfortably. They are also one of the most misunderstood pieces of equipment that law enforcement officers wear.

They Don't Always Look Perfect: Your vest will look perfect right after you put it on. You have it positioned perfectly and the straps adjusted just right. Then you have to go and ruin it by doing something like moving or breathing. Vests are put on when you're standing and your torso is in a straight line. When you sit, you are no longer in a straight line and neither is your vest. Time to adjust it. You stand, your vest stays in the "seated" position. Time to adjust it. You dropped something and your vest is tightened like a vice around your torso to keep it from moving? Time to adjust. Now imagine doing that 15-20 times a shift.
They are Bullet Resistant, Not Bullet Deflective: How many times have you seen a movie and the cops are shooting at the bad guy and it doesn't even slow them down because, "He's wearing a vest!". Bullet proof vests do not have some magic property that can take a metal projectile flying at 1,000 feet per second and stop it cold with no energy transferred to the person wearing the vest. In truth, there is no mushrooming of the bullet on top of a still perfectly intact vest. The vest stops the round from doing something bad, like entering your body, but it still gets punched in a few inches. More than enough to knock the wind out of the person wearing it, maybe even break their ribs.
Vests are Not Super Armor That Can Stop Anything: Standard ballistic vests are meant to stop bullets. That's it. They offer no protection from knives. A vest is a weave of ballistic fibers that work in conjunction to stop the round. The tip of a knife is smaller than the weave in the ballistic fiber. This means it will punch right through the fiber and right into the person wearing it.
We Know What to Do if Someone is Wearing a Vest: We've all seen it. The suspect is wearing a vest and not going down. At some point a frantic cop will yell, "He's wearing a vest! What do we do?". The answer is simple, we train for it every time we go to the range. I think Harry and Lloyd said it best in Dumb and Dumber.*

Bonus: If your character cannot figure out what to do when the suspect is wearing a vest, don't have them shoot the bag of pipe bombs next the suspect so he can die in the explosion. I wish I was making that scene up, but I saw it on TV (so it must be true). First, the bombs won't explode when shot. Second, aiming for the head seems a heck of a lot better of an idea than exploding half the building and innocent bystanders.

*Dumb and Dumber: Written and directed by the Farrelly brothers and produced by New Line Cinema.

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A Filmmaker's Guide to the Miranda Rights

9/11/2013

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by Dave

There is a scene in 21 Jump Street (the movie, not the show) that is one of my favorites. It's where Schmidt and Jenko, our heroes, are getting berated for losing their arrest because they failed read the Miranda Rights. Or as Deputy Chief Hardy says, "The only thing you have to do when arresting someone". It's a great scene. I love it. It's pitch perfect, it's comical and it propels the story along. It's also completely untrue. There is a myth about the Miranda Rights that is prevalent in society and pop culture. It's so prevalent that I don't know if people believe it because they see it in movies or if it's in movies because everybody believes it. So let's dispel the myth.

There is actually no set wording to the Miranda Rights, but in popular culture you will usually hear:

You have the right to remain silent
You have the right to an attorney
If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.

There are some minor variations that specific states require.

States that border Mexico add "If you are not a United States citizen, you may contact your country's consulate prior to questioning".
Some states require "You can decide at any time from this moment on to terminate this interview and exercise these rights".
Most states then require for a person to answer these two questions, "Do you understand each of these rights I have read to you?" and "Having these rights in mind, do you wish to talk to us now?" Answering "Yes" to both of these questions waives their rights.

Now, when do Miranda Rights have to be read? They must be read when a suspect is in custody (a reasonable person believes they are not allowed to leave) AND they are going to be asked questions that the police or prosecution want to use in trial. I arrested dozens of people in my career, never once did I read them their Miranda Rights. In fact, my boss laughed at me on my first arrest when I asked when we read the Miranda Rights. The reason I didn't read them is because I had no intention of questioning them. Most of these arrests were on outstanding warrants. I don't have any questions there. This is your warrant and you are definitely you. Head directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

We had another man who had a book written by a child psychologist. The book was a clinical evaluation of the mind of a child predator. In the margins of the book the man had written a whole bunch of annotations like, "That's not true, we're not like that" or, "Totally false!" Then, in the blank pages in the back of the book, he had a lengthy written confession of what it truly meant to be a child predator. Couple that with the child porn images we found and we had him fitted in handcuffs and on the way to a free stay in the Grey Bar Hotel (after a call to the US Attorney to get the formal charges, of course). At no time did we read him his rights. I didn't really have any questions that I wanted to hear his thoughts on anyway. His rights would be read to him when an agent or prosecutor sat down with him later to sort out everything we had found. That is the point where he can't leave AND he was being asked questions pertinent to trial.

So what happened in between where we arrested him and when he was finally sat down for interrogation? That is the grey area that usually mucks up cases. Again, the key is being asked questions pertinent to the case. When he was being transported to the detention center he could have confessed further. If the officer was concerned about the comfort in the backseat and asked, "Are you doing OK back there?" and he responded, "No, I just came to grips with the fact that I've raped dozens of children" it's totally admissible. But, if the officer asked "Do you really rape children?" and he answered, "Yes, dozens of them." it would not be allowed in court, because he had not been read his rights at that point. The correct legal term for that is "Fruit of the Poisonous Tree".

Admittedly, this a very high level overview. There are always exceptions and subsections to everything wherever the law is concerned. But I think GI Joe said it best, "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle."

How does this relate to your scripts? The answer is, it depends. Going back to 21 Jump Street, yes, that scene was wrong. But it's a comedy movie. They are allowed to get away with sillier things. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really have that big of impact on the movie and it was wickedly funny. But if you are writing a serious drama and a Miranda Rights failure is a key cog in your script, that is a lot harder to overcome.

Did I just age myself with that GI Joe reference?

4 Comments

Like a Rolling Stone

9/3/2013

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by Dave

Hair Metal, what a glorious time for Rock & Roll. The glamour, the rock, the hair, spandex, attitude, groupies, money and killer videos on MTV. Remember music video on MTV? Then there were those guitar solos. Who can forget those bitchin guitar solos that just HAD to go in every song? You couldn't even begin to consider yourself a legitimate rock and roller if you didn't have a shredding guitar solo. Yes, Hair Metal was a glorious time of sex, drugs and rock and roll... and then, suddenly, it wasn't. Proof? Pop quiz! Let's name all the Hair Metal bands. There's Guns N' Roses, Motley Crue... Poison.... uh... there's uh... Great White, they had that one song.... uh... I'm out.

Now let's name some classic rock bands. There's The Who, Led Zeppelin, Credence, Bruce Springsteen, Blue Oyster Cult, Jimi Hendrix, Neil Young, The Eagles, Bob Seger, Aerosmith, Deep Purple... I could go on, but I don't think I need to. Who I really want to talk about is The Rolling Stones. Why is it that Hair Metal came and went with the winds but The Rolling Stones have been making records and touring to sold out houses for over fifty years? Why is it that I can name more hit songs of theirs than I can name Hair Metal Bands in general? And, no, it's not because I am just harping on the music of my generation being the greatest. I was born long after all of these bands started playing together. I propose this simple answer. Harmony. Everything they do in their songs works in harmony. At no point does anyone of the other members overpower the other. They all work together to make a great song. Sure, there are musical interludes, but they are not bitchin guitar solos just to have a bitchin guitar solo. There are drums, horns, harmonicas, rhythm guitars, back-up singers and pianos. All of these elements are used to add to the whole and makes something even greater.

How does this relate to movies? Tell me, have you ever watched a movie and suddenly thought, "What the hell was that scene in there for?" An action scene that only seems to be in there because they wanted to have an action scene. A comedy scene just because it seemed like something funny to do. A musical interlude, just because one of the stars is a really good singer. Can you name the movie they were in? If so, would you rank that movie as one of your favorites? Just like the Rock and Roll songs that have stood the test of time, your movie must also work in harmony. Each scene needs to be in there for the specific reason of driving your story forward. There should be no comedy scenes because, "It was just too funny to leave out." No action scenes because just to blow something up and look cool. No musical interludes because, well... no musical interludes.

This means that if you ever find yourself saying, "I really need an action scene here." or, "This scene is just too funny to leave out." You need to stop, take a step back and really think about whether or not that scene will accomplish anything for your story. The last thing you want is to take the audience out of your story in the middle of the movie and leave them thinking, "What the heck did I just watch?"

Don't believe me? Then let me leave you with one final thought. The Rolling Stones just completed a sold out, multi-nation tour even though they are in their seventies. Bret Michaels does reality shows on VH1.

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You Can't Hit a Five Run Homer

6/25/2013

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by Dave

When I used to coach my softball team there was one situation above all that would absolutely get under my skin. That would be when our team was losing by multiple runs and I had a hitter at the plate, with no one on base, and he was swinging from his heels like he was going to tie the game with one swing of the bat. Now, unless there is some obscure rule in baseball that I don't know about, I'm pretty sure that if you are down by five and hit a solo Home Run you're still losing. Instead of the Home Run, I preached the baby steps approach. Base hit after base hit after base hit. Keep inching your way towards victory. Put yourself in a position to win.

It's the same approach with trying to carve out a career in Hollywood. Dustin and I have been to multiple conferences, been on countless message boards and seen I don't know how many tweets where people are looking for the next big thing that will break their career. They have one script and they just know that they're going to sell it for a million dollars. They heard that someone won some contest and ended up selling the script for a lot of money, so they'll just enter that contest and sell their script as well. They heard that this guy did this or that gal did that. Whatever it was, they just know that id they do the same thing, they're in. They're doing exactly what those hitters swinging from their heels were doing. They're trying to hit a five run homer. They also end up meeting the same result as most of those hitters. They strike out.

As a screenwriter, or anyone trying to get into the film business, you cannot judge your forward progress by the amount of big moments you have, because those are few and far between. It's not how fast you are moving forward, it's just whether you are moving forward. Baby steps. I'll have people ask us about our win in the Industry Insider Contest and what that has brought us. They seem disappointed that it didn't land us a big time agent or film deal. We're not. Because you know what it has brought us? Cache and a whole lot of open doors from people who wouldn't have talked to us before. Baby step. We went to a pitch conference in October. We got a few script requests and a whole lot of flat out no's. We went to another conference last month and we got twice as many script requests. More importantly, the no's we did receive were incredibly polite, almost to point of being apologetic that the project didn't quite fit them, with more advice on who we could bring it to. Baby step. Two years ago we knew one person in the whole town. Last year we had cards to maybe five or six people. This year we have had dozens of meetings and our emails get returned as quickly as five minutes later (sometimes). Baby steps.

But it goes back farther than just our contest win. There was the first few contests we entered where we never even heard back from the judges. Then there was the first contest where we finally made it to the quarter finals and actually got to see our name in print. Next came the contest where we broke through to the semi-finals. That netted us our first ever call from a manager who wanted to meet with us. Then we entered the Industry Insider Contest... and didn't even make it to the next round. Then we waited for the next time the contest was offered and couldn't even come up with an idea. Then we waited for the next time... and that's the one that we won. From the first contest we entered to our win took about three years. Baby steps.

You can't always be out there looking for the bigger, better deal. You can't judge your success off of what you sold and what awards you won. Success comes in many forms. Sure, a contest win is really nice. I still remember the call when I heard "Randall Wallace chose you guys as the winners". It can also be just as gratifying when you send an email to a big time producer and he answers you back two minutes later. Baby steps. Because you can't hit a five run homer.

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It Was a Dark and Stormy Night...

6/17/2013

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by Dave

Inspiration is all around us. As screenwriters we should have a pen and paper at all times to be able to jot down all of this inspiration to use in our stories. How many times has each of us heard that? It is one of the most common pieces of advice ever given to writers, new and old alike. It is also absolutely true.

Everywhere you look there is inspiration for a character, a scene, a set piece or even an entire story. Sometimes that inspiration can jump up and hit you right in the face (an "eccentric" person on the bus). Sometimes it depends on how you look at it. To emphasize this point, let me tell you the story of the time I realized that A) The world is really strange and B) The movies really aren't that far off the mark.

In my former government life, I had the pleasure of serving on our seizure destruction team. This involved delivering everything to an incinerator that was certified to reduce everything to white ash (due to a famous story of Supervisors in another state assuming their bonfire was "close enough for government work" and leaving for lunch before everything was burned. The seizures were stolen from the fire and ended up back on the street. Yay government!). Anyway, the closest facility was about a five hour drive away, leading to a long day of fun in the sun. Well, maybe not this day. On this particular day we were operating in one of the worst wind storms to ever hit the region.

Things started to go bad when we had to stop for gas on the way home. The wind was really picking up, but what the heck, all in a days work. Well at least until the cashier came out and said that the wind had knocked out their pumps and there was no gas to be had. Oh well, we still had a 1/4 tank, we'll just head down the road and get gas somewhere else. Except for that we kept driving, and driving, and driving... with no signs of any towns having power.

About 45 minutes later, I was starting to get worried. We were going to run out of gas on the side of the highway in the middle of cold winter's night windstorm. My supervisor tried to quell our fears by saying "Don't worry, the gas light hasn't even come on yet. And even then, we still have another 40 miles of gas left." DING, the gas light came on. Way to go boss.

Another 10 miles down the road and things were looking bleak. We were in the middle of the forest, it was pitch black, we were a few hours from home and we were about to run out of gas. Then, suddenly, a beacon of light in the middle of nowhere. Somehow, for no reason at all, there was a truck stop with full power. An oasis in a desert of blackened buildings. We pulled in and started counting our blessings and our luck. At least at first.

My two coworkers went in to grab snacks and a bathroom break while I stayed out to pump the gas (guess who the lowest rank was). I started to look around and something just seemed a little off. My first clue was the city light truck parked in the corner of the parking lot. You'd think they'd be a little busy on a night like this, what with a quarter of the state not having power and all. But they weren't busy. In fact there were two guys sitting in the cab of the truck eating sandwiches while they stared right at me. Not normal staring, mind you. We're talking hillbilly horror movie, "You don't belong here, boy" type of staring.

My coworker came out and asked me how it was going. I pointed out the guys in the truck. He agreed it was weird. Then I told him to look up at the gas station sign. You see, the SEL in Diesel had burned out. So the sign was repeatedly flashing, "DIE, DIE, DIE..." right at us. I looked at him and said, "Let's recap. We're at some type of magical gas station that is the only building with power for miles around, we have two hillbilly city light guys sizing us up for lamp shades and the gas station sign is going to to kill us. I'm pretty sure this is how horror movies start. If I here banjo music, I start shooting." We both laughed the nervous laugh of guys who wanted to be somewhere else and desperately waited for that gas gauge to say it was full again.

The tank did fill up without incident and I went to get in the driver's seat. My coworker reminded me that our boss was still inside. I said, "I'll do a slow roll by the front door and he can run out and dive through the back window as I speed away." Alas, my boss was not that athletic so I had to wait for him to walk out normally, but we were mercifully on our way. We didn't see another building with power for another 45 minutes.

I swear everything listed above is true. It's one of my favorite events that I am waiting to find the perfect movie to write it into. Except for the part where I will be told it is way too cliche and I need to look towards the real world for my inspiration. Even so, I am always watching the world around me for inspiration, even if I put my own spin on it.

The funny part of the story is that we tried to go back to that gas station again, only to find it had closed down years before. Okay, maybe I'm joking about that last one.

Or am I?

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Swimming With Sharks

6/15/2013

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by Dave

Ask any new screenwriter just getting into the business what their greatest fear is and you are bound to get the same answer. They are afraid of having their script stolen. I am not going to say this is an irrational fear, but it shouldn't be all paralyzing either. First, let's do some math to ease your mind. Let's say your movie is going to cost $20 million to produce. We will also need to then throw a minimum of $45 million on top of that for a proper marketing campaign. We are looking at a $65 million output. Compare that to the price of paying a new screenwriter, usually $150 thousand vs. $250 thousand. Do you really think a smart business person is going to risk possible legal and PR problems to save less than 1% (far less) of their budget? No, they're not.

That being said, you need to be careful. Where most people trip up is in innocent conversations. The ones where you sit down at lunch and start discussing a possible idea with someone and the next thing you know they took it and sold it on their own. Here are some tips to help you avoid these types of situations.

Register Your Work: I know, I'm starting with finished scripts but this one bears repeating over and over again (because people think they can ignore it). Before you even think about sending your script out you need to register it with the Writer's Guild and the US Copyright Office. There will be people who tell you that you don't need to do this because US law establishes copyright the moment you create something. Don't listen to them. If you end up going to court someday do you want to base your case on "No way, I'm the one who wrote it. Not him!"? Or do you want to base it on "Here is my US Copyright, registered on this date."? We're talking $20 for the WGA and $35 for a copyright. There is no reason not file for this extra protection. (PS: If you make changes to your script, you need to file for another copyright. So don't register until you think you are absolutely ready)

Use The Google on The Internet Machine: Call this a leftover from my law enforcement days. If I am given the opportunity, I want to know everything about anything about any person I am going to sit down and talk business with. Done Deal Pro and IMDB Pro are your friends. Google is your friend. With these two simple tools you can find out where someone has worked, any deals they may have made, what circles they travel in and who they have worked with. That seems like a better idea than just blindly sending your scripts out to people just because they have "Manager" or "Producer" after their name.

Follow Your Instincts: When I was a young officer, I received some of the best advice I have ever heard. A veteran officer took me aside and said "When you are interviewing someone and the hair on the back of your neck starts to stand up, you are always right. Every time. It may not be the thing you are originally thinking, but there is a reason the person in front of you is setting off your alarms." It's not just advice for law enforcement. If you are sitting across from a manager or producer and something in your mind is saying "This isn't right", there's a reason for that. Listen to those warnings.

Silence is Golden: You can not register an idea, therefor you cannot protect an idea. So if you are sitting on the next great thing, an idea so great it sells itself in one line, then keep your mouth shut. It's as simple as that. Keep your mouth shut until such time you have that idea on paper in the form of a screenplay. Sure, there are exceptions to this rule, but they have to do with points 2 and 3 above. If Steven Spielberg is interested in what you are going to do next, that might be a good time to open up. Someone who barely registered in your research and you have some doubts? Keep your mouth shut (tactfully).

Know When It's Time to Walk Away: I'll give you an example for this one. Last October, Dustin and I sat down with a manager to talk about one of our scripts. From the first second of the meeting it just didn't feel right. To say the vibe we got from him was creepy would be an understatement. He didn't even want to talk about the movie. All he wanted to know was "What is the budget and who would star in it" (Questions not typically in the screenwriter's area of expertise). Before we even got a full idea of how to answer he said "Send it to me. Send me all of your other scripts, synopsis, or ideas as well. Include cast lists and budget break downs for all of them.... and make sure to sign our legal release" We smiled, nodded our heads and then walked away. Sometimes it's just not worth it.

Are these foolproof ideas? No. You show me something that's foolproof and I'll find you a better fool. But in this case, an ounce of prevention really does go a long way. Do what you can, suck it up, smile, get out there and have some fun.

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Five Tips to Prepare for a Pitchfest

4/24/2013

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by Dave.

It's that time of year again, pitchfest season. Yay! Normally I wouldn't talk about events like this until we are much closer to them happening. Today is different though. I want to take a moment to help temper your expectations if you are planning on attending one of these events for the first time. Not in a hater type of way (I happen to really like pitchfests). I mean in a, "This is what you need to be thinking type of way". Because when it comes to pitchfests, an ounce of preparation really does go a long way.

Be Prepared: A lot of people are going to read this and think I'm talking about researching the companies you want to talk to. Yes, that is important. No, that is not what I am talking about. I am going to go even further back. You need to have your script done and ready to show. In a perfect world you should have at least two, but one is the bare minimum. You would be amazed how many people attend these events with just an idea and a dream. Do that and all it will be is a dream. If you have an exec ask to see your script, you have two weeks, MAX, to get the script to them. Anything after that and they have moved on and forgotten about you. You will not get your script done in that time, especially if you have never written one. Get your script done. It won't mean anything if you go before that, and there will be plenty of opportunities once you have completed it.

Be Yourself: Relax, take a deep breath, tell some jokes to other attendees, smile, hand out cards, learn from others, etc... That's what you're there to do. The last event Dustin and I went to was, well... it was an experience. People were nervous and strung out because they were so focused on the notion that they had to sell their script that day. It was like a compressed version of people packing up their hopes and dreams and letting them all ride on that one single event. Seriously, we saw people crying in the bathrooms. If desperation is a turnoff to execs then there were a lot of turned off execs that day. Take a breath. It will be OK.

Have a Realistic Goal: Dustin and I will be attending The Great American Pitchfest in a little over a month. I will tell you right now that we are not going to sell a screenplay there. We aren't even entertaining the dream of selling a screenplay there. Why? Because I know that no matter how brilliant our pitch, no exec is going to pull out a checkbook and say "That's genius. I'm going to get on the phone to Spielberg right away. How does a million dollars sound?" We are going to the pitchfest to meet people, make relationships, open up dialogues. Think of it as a first date (a speed date but still a date). Both sides are sitting across the table trying to decide if they want a second date.

Know How to Handle Objections: This goes back to having a realistic goal. When Dustin and I sat down with Benderspink, after our Industry Insider Contest win, our Story Specialist gave us the best advice we could ever get, "You are not going to sign tomorrow. That is not how this works. Your goal is to have them still interested in you when you walk out the door. A request to read another script is a win." Knowing that advice is what saved the meeting for us. If we had gone in with stars in our eyes and our special signing pen in our hand we would have been in way over our heads. Instead, we were able to handle all of their questions, steer the conversation at the right times and, in the end, they asked for another script. Win. Conversations are still on going as they have asked for us to send them our next finished script as well (That reminds me, there will be a blog post on Writer's Block coming soon). Remember, you are NOT going to sell your script there. You are answering questions in a way to keep them interested in you. You are not trying to get them to please, please, please buy your script.

Talk With the Other Attendees: There are two very good reasons for this. First, you are not in competition with each other. There is not a set number of people execs are allowed to be interested in. Just because the person next to me has a fantastic romantic comedy has no bearing what-so-ever on whether or not an exec will like my angry, revenge filled action/thriller. Hell, we probably aren't even going to talk to the same execs. So get to know them, have fun, learn something new, tell them good luck when their time to pitch comes. The second reason? Who knows who that person will become? You are not the only talented person there and everyone has to start somewhere. Who knows, maybe you are going to look up in five years and see that person being interviewed on TV and you're going to think, "That looks like the person I sat next to at pitchfest. I sure wished I had talked to them."

This all being said, please don't let this scare you. I am not trying to scare you. I'm just a rather blunt person. I am also a firm believer in pitch events. Here's why. I don't live in LA. I spent a good part of my post college life working Law Enforcement. When Dustin and I started our screenwriting venture we did not know a soul in the movie industry. The first time we sat down to send out query letters it was all foreign to us. It was like, "This guy sounds cool. Let's send it to him as well." Flash forward a couple of years. Last month I was getting ready for another round of queries. I opened up my exec directory and started flipping through. This time I was saying things like, "There's XXXX, we met him at the Screenwriter Conference last October, he's the one who wanted to know where we got our business cards. Or XXXX, that's the manager we had coffee with last August. Here's XXXX they requested our script when we pitched at XXXX, etc..." Know how we met all those people? Pitchfests and high contest placements. It is more than worth the time if you have the right mental state going in.

So, to sum it all up. Have a finished script before you try to sell that script. Take a breath and calm down. Don't be desperate to make it all happen at the table. Know that it won't all happen at the table so you can focus the conversation. Be nice to the other people. Don't cry in the bathroom.

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